Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize