dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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