I think i peed on brittanys purse
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
this hospital has no fireball
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
