Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
