He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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