wrigley field is MILF paradise
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
