tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
