Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
