But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
