the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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