What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
