i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
BRING THE BAGELS
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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