I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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