1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
