I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
