so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
