Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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