You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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