areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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