Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
