I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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