I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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