It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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