You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
