the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
