so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
