i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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