When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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