i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize