Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's rum buckets o'clock
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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