You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
