it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
