just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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