You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
