If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
