totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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