dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
