Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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