Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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