i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
