so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
