so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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