You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Someone came in the potted fern
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
