new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
