Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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