I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
