FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize