My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
