he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
