..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
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