no, he came in my armpit
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
