i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize