I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
