yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
