I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
