PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
