she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
