I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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