You made me cry and you don't even care
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
