Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
