My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
