I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
