I hate all girls vehemently.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
