Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
COCAINE IS GR8
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
