I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize