My room smells like vodka and shame
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
