ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
