hotel room ftw
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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