my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
