i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
