508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
