I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I will be naked everywhere
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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